Monday, May 1, 2017

Happy Labour Day to you and I


it's almost impossible to remember that i've only been working for slightly less than two years. it felt like forever, really. a lot was learnt and many people that i've met and even made friends with. but sometimes i still find myself lost, exhausted and angry in a midst of an ever-piling workload.

"why am i here? why am i doing this? have i made the right choice?" sometimes i even had the image of myself spinning in circles. it was almost suffocating.

but who knows what's a right choice anyway, eh. we just keep working away.

to all who has worked hard and honest to provide for yourself or your families or your beloved pets, happy labour day.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

missing the wintry weather and terminal 4


London was bleak. And cold, so cold that I couldn't feel my face sometimes, that I had to wrinkle my nose just to make sure I can still feel my face. How do I gauge whether it was cold that day? Breathe out of my mouth to see if the air I exhaled turned into white fog, just like in the movies. But London was also an eye-opener. A home to museums and great artworks. Being in London felt a bit like home, as we talk about the ambitions we had when we were little in a local coffeeshop. Why is it that they say 'home is where the heart is'? There was no where else that I would want to be.

Sunday, August 14, 2016

in search of...


everyday is a quest to search for that something to make the day itself slightly more endurable. again and again, we question ourselves: what are we here for?

again and again, no answer came.


Saturday, July 30, 2016

Change is constant


funny that we constantly need to be reminded about the past - just so we can be on our feet again and be sure of the choices we made.

it was a warm night. but the crowd was energetic. it's Friday night, after all. there's a live band playing inside the pub and music flowed out whenever someone opens the door. i can hear that they were playing Everybody Wants to Rule the World.

i huddled closer to the ongoing conversation.

"how did we come to this?"

"remember when..."

"it's just so fucking sad right now."

we exchanged some more laughs and continued to hold on to our drinks, as if doing so might help us to avoid sounding too depressed altogether.

it was a warm night.



Sunday, July 10, 2016

pause


Alice Through the Looking Glass got me to think a lot while I was on my way home. Sure, it's a hollow, lousy Hollywood mashup, but it got me thinking about Time, nevertheless.

"You're not the same as you were before," he said. You were much more...muchier...you've lost your muchness."

I'm afraid so.

All there is, was - all the what ifs, could'ves, would'ves and should'ves, they do keep you up at night, no? And we all wonder where Time has fled.

Is it possible that I'm losing my mojo? And how do I get it back? Maybe the universe is telling me that I need to shut the fuck up and get out of this limbo, ASAP.

I miss writing.
And the search continues.


Monday, July 4, 2016

all that's left


i'm so fucking exhausted. what else can possibly excite me?


Tuesday, March 29, 2016

and i'm floating in a most peculiar way



in this bottomless pit,
am i ever going to hear the landing thud?


Thursday, November 12, 2015


From this distant vantage point, the Earth might not seem of particular interest. But for us, it's different. Consider again that dot. That's here, that's home, that's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.
- Carl Sagan 

Sunday, November 8, 2015

it wasn't all that effortless, actually


"haven't you heard how much effort it takes to look this effortless?"

"well, nobody said it was easy."


Saturday, October 17, 2015


there's so much, so much more for me to learn.

Saturday, August 15, 2015


I don't want to bother you with details,
really.
But what are conversations without details?




Saturday, May 30, 2015

We are all hypocrites


What was once a fierce, wild-running river has now become a steady flow, and in my heart, i often hope that it would not - it must not - run dry.




Monday, May 4, 2015

Sundaes Sunday


who would've thought. 

as i repeat this to myself for the countless time. 




Saturday, April 11, 2015

He calls them aubergines


am i an optimist or a pessimist?
does pessimism has something to do with the weather?
because i like rainy days.
i enjoy enveloping myself in the gloominess and melancholy,
in the comfort of my warm sheets.
but i favour sunny days too.
i could always use some sunshine in my life,
where things appeared vibrant and radiant.

am i an optimist or a pessimist?
does this have to do with paranoia?
because i always expect the worst when someone is about to tell me something,
or when i'm parking my car,
"did i knock the car behind me?"
"why (someone) wanted to see me? did i screw up something?"
"am i going to lose all my hair by the age of 29?"

am i an optimist or a pessimist?
does this have to do with naivety?
because i still find myself believe in many things and people,
especially those that are dear to me.
i trust them, undoubtedly,
until one of them shattered my trust.

am i an optimist or a pessimist?
does this have to do with seriousness?
i'm surrounded by people who take things way too seriously sometimes.
i wish i could just tell them:
"seriously, can't you just take this non-seriously for once!"


Sunday, March 22, 2015

Of grandiose dreams and whimsical fantasies


we all dream. and it is definitely okay to dream.
but there's a fine line between dreaming and fantasising. 

dream is a goal that one longs to achieve. it is achievable, but it needs time.
on the other hand, fantasy is an imagination of something that is impossible.

the problem is that people are mixed up with these two.
they seem to have mistaken fantasies as dreams.
they dream big. but they don't do anything about it.
they talk about the importance of having a dream all the time,
about how much they wanted their dreams to come true
yet they're still there, talking about it. 

so i asked:
"how are you going to realise your dreams?"
no answer came.
i don't call these dreams,
i call them fantasies.

"why?"
they asked.
well, it's not so hard to have it figured out,
isn't it?


Friday, March 13, 2015

Distant universe


"But at the same time, hiding those thoughts seems necessary to maintain normal relationships."

Saturday, January 10, 2015

A stylish delivery of a beautiful dream


There are certain things that irk me,
one of them is:

why didn't i watch The Grand Budapest Hotel sooner?


Saturday, October 25, 2014

waking up on the right side of the wrong bed


ignore the odds
ignore the predictable
ignore the rights
ignore the logic
ignore the routines

though all may be lost.

ikineba.


Sunday, October 19, 2014

That bread fascination though


Twinkle twinkle little star
How i wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky


actually they're no more than just a speck of dust in the universe, in this vast cosmic equation.

so are we. 

Jean: "Do you ever think about the future at all?"
Llewyn: "You mean like flying cars, hotels on the moon, Tang? You mean like move to the suburbs, have kids?"
Jean: "That's bad?"
Llewyn: "If that's what music is to you, a way to get to that place, then yeah, it's a little careerist and it's a little square and it's a little sad."






Tuesday, September 30, 2014

It's our nature to complicate


curtains opened.

the actors came on stage. they started to recite their lines. it was Midsummer's Night Dream. look at the amount of paint they put on their face. none of them were recognisable, that's how thick their make-up were. one of them could be your best friend. one of them could be your relative. or you sister. or brother. but none of us could tell. anything that was deemed to be recognisable, were heavily disguised. they didn't want to be known. the play continued. when one scene was over, lights were dimmed. the crowd didn't move. they just kept quiet. when the lights came on, it indicates another new scene. the actors came on stage again. this time with different costumes, still completely unrecognisable. the play went on. followed by several more scenes. lights were dimmed and brighten and dimmed and brighten and dimmed and brighten. the crowd was still. silently still. no one from the crowd said anything. neither anyone clapped nor cheered. only the voices of the actors could be heard. the play lasted for a night. how exactly did they prolong the whole play into 10 hours, no one knows. at six, the play ended. none of the actors thanked the crowd for their lack of enthusiasm and patience that lasted throughout the night. they just simply went into the backstage when the last line was uttered. nobody moved when the play ended. the crowd sat still for three solid minutes, and at once, the whole crowd raised from their seats as if they were ordered. as they were leaving the hall, no one said anything about the play nor any of them shown any sign of exhaustion. it's like their feelings were numb. once again the hall is void of any living organism. it is quiet. it is dead.

curtains closed.

as if yesterday didn't happen.


Thursday, September 18, 2014

Alchemised


it's always easier 
to walk the path that is chosen
and laid out nicely for you.
but where's the fun of it? 
all the right things that i should do
who are you to say they are right anyway?

as time goes by
i have come to enjoy 
coffee without sugar 
tastes better than any sugar syrup
without the bitter
the sweet isn't just as sweet.






Tuesday, September 2, 2014

No way


one thing for sure, you cannot stop worrying,
even if you refuse to.
the moment you're awake, you began to worry.
when one worry ends, a new one starts.
it's very much like blowing bubbles - never ending.
a few bubbles pop but still there are many floating around you.
they just won't go away.
and when they finally pop, new ones come along again.
there is no way to be rid of them.

unless...



Monday, August 18, 2014

I'm this monosyllabic self-discursively diminished female


grades are important.
they will get you to anywhere you want.
just like cash.
except they're no cash.

what i'm trying to convey is, grades are really, really important. especially when you dont have the cash.



Saturday, July 19, 2014

oh, my lord!


i am going to go against
the wind
because
this ain't my
last pit stop.


Sunday, June 29, 2014

You name it


i was swimming. or drowning, i don't really know. in this vast churning ocean, where the waves engulfed me and then sent me up for me to catch my breath again. what do you want? i called out to the sea. what do you want? the sea answered with another giant wave. i want to keep swimming, i answered quietly. for a fleeting moment, i thought everything is going to be quiet for a while, until i was hurled into the depths again. i struggled to open my eyes under the waters, but the currents were too strong. i frantically searched for something to hold on to. i caught something solid, thinking it was a branch or something, and held tightly onto it. when the whirlpool stopped, i saw what i was holding on to - an anchor. i know anchors are supposedly to drag you down but not the one i got. i swam effortlessly to the surface of the ocean and finally catching a breath when my head was above the waters, with the anchor still held tightly to me.




Sunday, June 15, 2014

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

I'm on my semester break, please ask me out


guess who i finally met up with after 14 tormenting weeks later?! 
despite her being late for half an hour and had me thinking that i was the one who's going to be late, it was a really great afternoon with Niva. 
i now know how it feels like to have an elder sister. i don't usually mix well with my younger sisters and i suppose it was my inferiority that set us apart. when people heard that my family has 3 girls they would go all: awww this is so sweet having so many girls at home, can share clothes and makeup! 

no.

firstly, none of us is interested in makeup, and secondly, i fucking hate sharing clothes with my siblings. and the three of us have such distinctive characters that if we are not sisters in real life, i don't think i'll be friends with any of them. seriously. of course there are times when we actually hang out but that's really rare. because all of us have different likings and such. and being the eldest sister, i have to have it together all the time. i have to be tough, hard-to-please, and be the one giving out orders. although three of us are all growing up and nobody really take my orders anymore but i just don't like to be all soft and easy-to-approach. 

yes, i am one hell of a sister.

but with Niva, she's like my elder sister. i feel like i can open up my insecurities to her and know that she wouldn't judge me for that. and i can be say stupid things and then she'll correct me but at the same time couldn't stop laughing. we admit we make stupid mistakes and then we will spend an hour bitching about it. we would talk about everything including families and marriage and stuffs like that. i remember reading somewhere that wrote about us having different kinds of friends in each different phase of our lives. to me, i've known Niva since i started college. we see each other everyday in class and it is just so sad that she decided not to continue her degree anymore. we have been working on group assignments all along and suddenly my regular partner is going away. it was hard to deal with at first, considering both of us had always spent every single hour in college together. and i thought the friendship would eventually fade off, considering both of us have moved on to a "different" phase now. surprisingly whenever we meet up we just chatter away like how we used to. 

yesterday, we spent 4 hours talking and talking and talking and talking. it feels so great and relieved that i don't have to have it all together when i'm with her. and if i tell her any good news, i know that she is genuinely happy for me despite she wasn't there to share the moment. same goes for me to her. 

i sound like i'm totally in love with Niva, don't you think? hahah. to me, she's more than a friend. she's my family (a very distant one lol). 

yeah, i'm totally bragging our friendship.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Grey world


this numbness is like a kind of disease, constantly wrapping itself around me, restricting me from feeling. as i grow up, it is getting more and more difficult to feel. it is just so hard to get excited about things. about anything. only when shit actually happens and bang! yes, i can finally feel something. this is bad, really bad. seems like the only way for me to feel is by inflicting pain and other negative feelings on me.

i used to have passions but they would not stay with me. passions fade off eventually, just like shooting stars. i have them every now and then. two months ago, you would find me speaking enthusiastically about my future plans. but now, all i can think of is, how do i get my ass off this couch. i can't be bothered with anything. i wait for time to pass. i go to music class when it's twice a week. i practice my exam pieces. i go out with my boyfriend. and then, what?

am i suppose to feel like this or what? how do you bring yourself to get excited over things?
how do you keep your passions alive? i would really, really like to know. 

pessimistic post i know. but whatever. 

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

The Wind Rises


7/10

it was all about chasing dreams.

if you're a loyal fan of Hayao Miyazaki, you have to watch it. i guess this would be my first and last time watching a Ghibli film in the theatres.

the film reminds me of Zhang Yimou's Under The Hawthorn Tree (2010). unrequited love is just so saddening. but at the same time, it is so beautiful. such an aching sense loss.

perhaps this is what left me intrigued, as i keep on wondering why on earth it ended in such way.

在另一个平行时空里





或许,在另一个世界,真的有另一个我存在着。那到底这另一个我正在做什么呢?
还真想看看,在我的眼中,到底我是一个怎样的我。

Monday, April 14, 2014

just my two cents pt. 4 (WARNING: PESSIMISTIC CONTENT)

we Asian kids are taught to suppress our feelings. we are forbidden to express out thoughts and feelings. we are not allowed to speak our mind. all these mentioned are considered "no manners" or "talking back". we are taught to deal things on our own, do what we are told and must not, must not ask questions.

i'm considered one of the lucky ones, being the first child and having brought up in a semi-Asian family, where my parents, especially my mom, would spend all her time explaining things and answering my questions patiently. however, there was a phase when my mum kept a close eye on my study, breathing down my neck everytime when i was doing my homework, making sure that i complete all of them. she would check on my test papers when they were given back, demanding reasons why my results dropped, and the next thing that came into the picture was the caning part. well. but then later on, maybe she was busy with work and too tired to do so, and also maybe i was growing up and started to talk back, she stopped checking on my homework. i still report my results to her, but she merely commented and told me: "if you've done your best, there's nothing i can say."

and yes, that's my Asian story.

the way Asian kids are brought up affects their mindset. no matter how depressed they are, they feel that they should not trouble people with their problems, thinking that they could handle it themselves.

some said suicide should be last resort because it is the most selfish act in the world, leaving your friends and family behind, having them to deal with such sadness.

but have you put yourself into his shoes?

maybe to him, at that very moment, death seemed to be best solution of all.

he had no one to turn to, and he couldn't take it anymore. maybe dying would solve everything. at least it could stop him from thinking.

i'm not trying to encourage suicide or anything like that, but people who criticised his actions should really just shut the fuck up. no one knew what was going on his mind and you didn't even understand what his situation was and here you are, criticising on his stupidity but hey, it takes a whole load of courage to end one's own life. yes, you may say that if he had the courage to kill himself, why can't he just man up and face the music? oh gawd, if he was this motivated will he still choose to jump down from that building? now that he's gone, why can't we just wish his family the best and pray that he is in peace?

so if you don't understand a thing, shut up. that the least you could do. seriously.






Sunday, March 23, 2014

Afternoon daisies


"i tried to write you a poem
but all that came out was
a bushel of flowers.
i'm sorry that the only
metaphor i can think of
to describe how i feel
about you is,
'the thought of you
makes my insides bloom.'
but a field of wildflowers
grew in my throat
since the first time i
touched you."

- The Period of Flowering, Lora Mathis

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Sometimes


sometimes

when all else fails

all you need is some unconditional love.






Sunday, March 16, 2014

oh hello


days passed by like a blur, melting seamlessly into another.

a moment ago, i was happy.

and i forgot why i was happy at the first place.

and then i was sad.

but then i forgot why i was sad again.

seems like i have it together everyday but the truth is i don't. and what makes me feel worse is: i don't know how to write anymore. my writings these days are bad. they are shit. i just don't know what to write.

how.


Monday, March 10, 2014

Where do we go from here?

i'll have to walk out of my comfort zone eventually so why not start doing it now. 

assignments, assignments, and assignments. gah. 


Monday, March 3, 2014

Pistol shot



“It's not about going around trying to stir up trouble. As long as you're honest and you articulate what you believe to be true, somebody somewhere will become your enemy whether you like it or not.” 

― Criss Jami 

"do you know people will dislike you for speaking the truth?"

i know, i know. 


Friday, February 21, 2014

And all the lights that lead us there are blinding

i'm so exhausted. so many complications. 

recently all i feel is wearing my t-shirt and sweatpants all day and read storybooks. 

is this how being old feels like? 



Sunday, February 16, 2014

Last hope - Paramore



"and when it's dark out, no one's around, it keeps glowing."



Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Stop judging, like seriously

i think i should say that more often to myself. anyways.

before this post, i would like to say that i'm not really a fan of hers but what she did has got me thinking.

i know this is way outdated but hey people, would you stop thrashing Miley Cyrus already? just because she did this crazy performance with Robin Thicke during the VMA and people start calling her "slut/whore".

her craziness didn't stop there, of course.

she released her new album "Bangerz" later on but what really made her the topic of discussion is her MV of one of her songs - Wrecking Ball. people made fun of her music video, saying that how Hannah Montana has all grown up and doing all the 'adults' stuff. have you people really looked into the lyrics of her song, how heartbroken she was?

i wonder if you guys have watched her documentary - the Movement. you might say that it's a self-promote video but the truth is, she's a dedicated singer and she loves music just as much as most of the musicians. just that she decided to show people who she really is, and just that she's a public figure, people have judged her critically, giving bashful comments and calling her names.

you may have seen me sharing this on my social network, but i think it's necessary for me to share it here again. YOU. NEED. TO. LISTEN. TO. THIS.


open the video on Youtube and scroll down to the comment section, you will see that people wouldn't stop talking about her past and making comparisons.

"omg, i miss the old Miley..."

"new Miley sucks!"

"wish she would go back to the real Miley, not what she is now."

erm, hello? how about showing some appreciation to the fact that she is moving on and doing what she really wants? there's no old and new Miley, it's always been one Miley. no one wants to do the same old thing for an entire life.

i guess she's gotten extremely tired of living double lives, therefore she decided not to hide her real personality and hope people will accept for who she really is. whatever ugly names you people have given to her, she got what she wanted for doing all those crazy stuffs: attention. lots and lots of it.

suck it, bitches.


Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Calcifer

sometimes i wish i'm good at something. just one thing.

i'm not really good at playing piano.
i'm not really good at writing.
i'm not really good at speaking.
i'm not really good at singing.
i'm not really good at being funny.

but wait, i'm good at being funny, sometimes. well, at least i think so.


Thursday, December 26, 2013

Friday, December 13, 2013

Isolated


why is reading Murakami's books makes me feel so suicidal?

brb killing myself now



Saturday, December 7, 2013

Fate


SummerWell, you know, I guess it's 'cause I was sitting in a deli and reading Dorian Gray and a guy comes up to me and asks me about it and... now he's my husband.

TomYeah. And... so?

SummerSo, what if I'd gone to the movies? What if I had gone somewhere else for lunch? What if I'd gotten there 10 minutes later? It was - it was meant to be. And... I just kept thinking... Tom was right.

TomNo.

SummerYeah, I did. (laughs)

SummerI did. It just wasn't me that you were right about.

i just can't get over this movie. just no.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Big breakfast

i'm so tired of making effort to have people to stay in my life. if you want to stay, you stay. if you don't want to, you're free to go.

i hope people would realise that it is okay for them to cut off these toxic people who force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness.


Wednesday, November 20, 2013

You built up a world of magic, because your real life is tragic

why do great people die young?

Bob Marley (36), Leslie Cheung (46), Mozart (35), John Lennon (40), Whitney Houston (48), Bruce Lee (33), Amy Winehouse (27), MJ (50), Heath Ledger (28), Princess Diana (36), Felix Mendelssohn (38), Slyvia Plath (30), Marilyn Monroe (36), and Frederic Chopin (39) - my favourite composer. 

seems like someone thinks that these legendary people have had enough throughout their lives so it's time for them leave the world. 

"okay, i see that you have made a point on earth now it's time to greet death like an old friend."

these deaths have me wondered what if these people lived on and continue to do whatever great things they're doing. 


it's like...
either you do great things and die young OR be a mediocre and live till 100. 

this is just so fucking sad. 

Saturday, November 16, 2013

"You changed the scenery but not the fucking situation."

my mother said the worst mistake a person can make is to change another person. no one can change a person. not even god. a person can/will only change when he/she is willing too. not because you told him/her so. that person change is because he/she thinks that the change is necessary and it will bring more good than bad.

a person changes because he/she wants to. change occurs naturally.

certainly not because you said so.

Monday, November 11, 2013

"The moonless midnight of the mind"

there's always only one reality.

- haruki murakami

whether you like it or not.


Thursday, November 7, 2013

12.30 AM

up to date, i've learnt that certain things are inevitable as you're growing up. (urgh how i hate those words)

those things are:

inequality, prejudice, heartbreak, lies, disappointment, and rejection.


i wish i could be a bird.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Love and Misadventure


i'm not a huge fan of poetry but i think i've changed my mind now. 
have a great weekend.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Random conversation at a coffeeshop


"but don't you want to do the real stuff? i mean, that's what you study journalism for, right?"

indeed. and thank you.


Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Just my two cents part 3

ever wonder what should you be doing when you're in your 20's? 

i am in my 20's and i'm half-way pursuing Journalism because i want to be a journalist/writer/reporter. i am also working as a part-time retail staff in an electronic shop because i want to earn more pocket money. 

it has been months since the last time i asked my parents to buy me something. i don't know why but ever since i started to earn my own money, i don't feel like asking for money from my parents no matter how much i want that something. 

it got me wondering that do adults realize how difficult it is to be a 20? 

when you're in your 20's, people sorta expect you to be independent and yet they think you're still too young and innocent for anything else other than studying SAY WHAT. 

this is the thing. 

i find it so damn hard to ask money from my parents even when i really needed it because i feel like i'm old enough to go out and earn my own money but then i'm still a student how am i supposed to find a job and support myself completely? 

i'm only 20 i should be having my selfish years and go out there and explore all kind of things but i am the one enjoying yet my parents have to pay for all the expenses. how is this fair to them?

i know i'm not obligated to support my family yet. but i just wish to lessen my parents' burden since i have the ability to do so. 

i think i've made my point and i hope you really get it. 

random thought. wanted to share this long time ago but couldn't really put it into words and today i finally did. i don't draft my posts so i know this is a crappy post and i'll probably be a bad writer in the future but i hope you don't toss my article away if you see my byline on the papers. 

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Of murals, shades, and Bob Marley

me thinks photo editing is way to troublesome so all of my photos are zero filter.

Penang at 6 a.m.

 day 1, first stop: Batu  Ferringghi


shooting in progress.



day 2: Georgetown. and the beginning of our food hunt trip




Muntri street. by the way, the mural looked super creepy at night. 


Love Lane.


i swear i did not know my traveling mates are all posers.










best curry laksa in the Air Itam market.




i'm very very happy with this holiday because throughout the whole trip, i spent less than RM250. pretty budget, no? and besides spending time to hunt down the murals like everyone else did, we also paid a visit to the beautiful Penang National Park at Teluk Bahang. from there, you can opt to hike to Pantai Kerachut, which is way cleaner and less crowded than the Batu Ferringghi beach. however, we didn't manage to hike to Pantai Kerachut because we were far too exhausted after a whole night of train ride and barely getting any sleep. in Batu Ferringghi, we stayed in Lazyboys Guesthouse which only cost us around RM27 per night. food in this area was okay and if you're planning on a budget trip, do not dine in any of the restaurants because that will burn a hole in your wallet, try food courts instead.

during our second day, we took the bus down to Georgetown and checked in to Ryokan Guesthouse, located at Muntri street, which only cost us RM30 per night, including breakfast. i must say staying in Muntri street was the best idea ever because by just walking for less than 10 minutes, you'll reach Chulia street, the main road opposite Love Lane, where you can find a row of hawker stalls appear magically when the clock strikes 6p.m. and they open till late night (dinner and supper gao dim). they have most of the Penang local delights - curry mee, wan ton mee(best selling food!), char kuey teow, cendol, and many more.

happiest trip i have had so far and i sense that there are many more to come. i couldn't think of any other better way to spend my final semester break before i start my degree.


and i am just so lucky to have these people in my life. thank you. cayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

(getting more and more depressed as i'm writing this post because i miss this trip so much brb emo)

Monday, September 2, 2013

Appreciation post

tumblr is fucking narnia. it really is. and i think people should really get one. need to rant but don't want people to read about it? tumblr. need inspirational quotes? tumblr. need relative thoughts? tumblr. need to look for some artworks? tumblr. need someone to fangirl with? tumblr. need emotional relief? tumblr. need some really random-funny-stupid-pointless-yet-they-made-you-laughed-so-hard posts? tumblr. love pizza? tumblr. wardrobe malfunction? tumblr. love pokemons? tumblr. 


now. you may proceed to sign up for a tumblr account. but do me a favor, DO NOT FOLLOW ME. I REPEAT, DO. NOT. FOLLOW. ME. 



Saturday, August 17, 2013

Dear young backpackers out there, any tips on how to escape life like how you guys do?


we were talking about our ultimate fantasy - to backpack across the US and Europe, not the omg-handbags-are-so-cheap-over-here kind of travel, but the let's-go-on-an-adventure-and-prepare-to-meet-random-people-and-get-lost kind of travel. all we need are passport, a backpack, a one-way air ticket, a map, and courage. i don't need a lot of cash, i need just enough to last me till i found a part-time, be it waiting tables or plucking apples, so that i can earn for the rest of my never-ending(how i wish) journey. i don't mind not staying in expensive hotels. i don't mind walking. i don't mind eating in a crappy restaurants as long as their food is good.

but what i do mind is being stuck here and keep wondering what the fuck am i doing with life. 

Niva and I are destined to be soul mates. like seriously. 

isn't it funny that only during the exam period that i would have such insane thoughts that make me want to just drop every single damn thing and escape. 

or maybe i should just study so that i could graduate like everyone else and then proceed to my degree, graduate, and have a stable, not-so-well earning job, and then work till i die. 

how exciting. 


Sunday, July 21, 2013

Week 12



even though i am about to die of fatigue, but i am very very very happy.

goodnight.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Ain't It Fun - Paramore


i didn't changed. but my perceptions of you did.

so.

at times like this i wish i can cast a Memory Charm to myself and just forget every single damn thing.



Tuesday, July 9, 2013

???

what the fuck is this

how the fuck i analyse malaysia foreign policy towards SEA

why the fuck am i taking this subject

as much i love the his lecture and the amount of things that i have learnt with Mr.Chia, he really brought all the kiasu-ness out of me which not even a whole Singapore can fight with.

because i just wrote 800 words and i don't know if i would be able to understand them that is why i still haven't read what i have just wrote



Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Fluorescent adolescent


I mean, I have the feeling that something in my mind is poisoning everything else. 

- Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

i find it very, very hard to believe in something that is real.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Honey, you're my golden star


sometimes you just have to put on a fake smile and laugh along with the others.

just smile and wave, just smile and wave, they said.




Tuesday, June 11, 2013

惺惺相惜


有一种朋友你不需对他说太多的事情,但是他都能够明白;你们可以静静地呆在一起,无需太多交流,却也不会感觉尴尬。

有一种朋友就像家人般(就连家人都和他混熟了),跟你无话不谈、总是有说不完的话,而且愿意抛开形象和你疯狂到底、不管任何地点场合都能一起开怀大笑。

我很庆幸以上的两种朋友,我都有。

(其实很想继续写下去·,但还有作业还没做。就这样先吧。)

goodnight. 

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Of late night hangouts and never-ending bitching sessions







"Ka Kay how come you're so easy to laugh lah, like you're high on weed or something, hahah"

how can i be sad when i'm having these people who love me even when i'm at my worst?

goodnight. :)


Sunday, May 26, 2013

Will you run away with me?


i swear one day i am going to leave this place and never come back.




Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Saturday, May 18, 2013

My box of wandering wonders

i have a weird habit when it comes to watching videos from Wong Fu Productions. i like to watch them alone. it's like having a 'me' time throughout the video. just like what The Last did to me. when the video begins, i feel like i've fallen into a Pensieve, reliving memories and i swear, at that fleeting moment, i caught a glimpse of the future that i'm trying to reach for. and when it ends, i'm back to reality, again. but with a different perspective.
or maybe i just haven't found that person to watch WFP videos together with. hahah. (finger-crossed!)
yet, i believe in every of their video, a personal message in encrypted within it. whether it is meant to inspire or reminisce, it is up to that individual viewer to decide what he/she wants to feel from their shorts.


"I hope the viewers can see this as my encouragement to them. That while there will be difficult times ahead, or there are difficult times now, it won't last forever. You'll learn from it, and grow, and eventually... "we'll all get there, happy."." 

director's commentary is forever so worth reading. (i believe it is Phil who wrote them, my favorite among the 3 the directors)



Thursday, May 9, 2013

世界别为我担心 - 几米

我却常常为世界担心。

我担心三年后,我的仓鼠死了,我那空的笼子该怎么办。
我担心这一辈子都找不到我人生中的李大仁。
我担心SPCA的狗都没人愿意领养。
我担心我以后不再相信爱情。
我担心搭飞机时坠机。
我担心有一天我不想当记者了。
我担心我没能力去环游世界。
我担心我的文笔不够好,没人请我当记者。
我担心电脑坏了却没钱买新的。
我担心毕不了业。
我担心咖啡豆绝种了,再也喝不到咖啡。
我担心别人都不当我是一回事。
我担心考试当天睡迟了。
我担心未满三十就秃头。(噢,不!)
我担心我不再爱看书了。
我担心我有一天变得更复杂。
我担心国家破产,我的公积金也随着人间蒸发。
我担心有一天我不再担心了。

唉。

Monday, May 6, 2013

United we stand, divided we fall

at 12:55AM of 6th May 2013, once again, our hope for change got trashed. no explanations, no nothing.

what is the point of having a General Election if the same party is going to win, over and over again? you may be our government, again, for the upcoming few years but i hope you know that no one would respect you from the bottom of their hearts anymore. 

but this time, Malaysians have finally spoken. and in the next upcoming General Election, we will be stronger than ever. 

oh and by the way, congratulations on your winning but you should have realised that you are already a loser from the start. 


Saturday, May 4, 2013

One in a million

i bought two hamsters on my pay day, went to SPCA this afternoon and washed a few hundred dog bowls, also petted a hundred dogs, then spent a few hours bitching about people in an empty house, and then had dinner while it was raining heavily outside.

oh and of course, doubted your sincerity while i was doing all of those things mentioned above.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Now I know why Peter Pan doesn't want to grow up



because reality is such a miserable place to live in. and to become adults who behave like children? thanks, but Neverland sounds so much better. 



Wednesday, April 24, 2013

But not us, no not us, we are far too young and clever

sometimes i just want to immerse myself in my favourite collection of 80's Western music. and then there are the days where i just want to blast emo Mandarin and Cantonese songs in my car. yesterday i spent my entire afternoon singing along with Billboard Top 100. for today i just want to listen to Come On Eileen till i'm sick of it.


also, is there any reason for me not to buy hamsters as pets?



Saturday, April 13, 2013

Yeah, we're breaking free

feels like home when i'm surrounded by people who have known me for the longest time and the best part is, none of them are blood-related to me. i used to think that our friendship would come to an end when secondary school ended, but surprisingly, it just got better and stronger. er, at least that's what i think la. when i'm with these people, i can be totally stupid and awkward and vulgar and ugly and none of them give a shit because i'm like that. it is not necessary for us to engaged in an activity to begin a conversation with each other. and that is what i love about the most. when we don't have anything to talk about, we'll just sit there and be awkward together because that's how we function.

i'm not sure if any of them would be reading this but i hope they know that i am the happiest when i'm with them. 


family road trip to Tanjung Sepat earlier. we stopped by at Sepang Gold Coast Resort to have a look at the place while hanging around at the lobby and enjoying the awesome sea breeze. and then there was a staff handed each of us a mini glass of fruit punch - free of charge because she thought we were tourists who are waiting to check-in to our rooms.

yes, i am aware that i am a cheapskate. 


Monday, April 1, 2013

愿意今生约定他生再拥抱


真遗憾为什么自己不是生于八、九十年代。


别让我的真心散得像沙




hung out with my favorite people last week after exam is over and finally spent all of my book vouchers on all my favorite books. for some reason, i'm glad and relieved that the sixth semester of my Diploma studies is officially done. 

that is all.