i'm 19.
one thing for sure is, i really envy(really really really) those kids my age can do whatever they like. i'm not saying that i'm not allowed to do so, i just can't. i wish for once, just for once, i could go out without my parents breathing down my neck and keep asking (through SMS) my whereabouts and what time i'm gonna be home.
i understand your worries but i don't see the reason why can't i be just like the others. i'm not begging you to let me hang out till the wee hours for everyday. just occasionally. that's all i ask for. occasionally i would really like to have stayovers and hang out with my friends till whenever i feel like it without having to worry that you're fighting to stay awake just to make sure i'm home. because whenever you do that, i feel extremely guilty. as if going out is a wrongdoing and the feeling of guilt the consequence that i have to suffer.
i got a job. and we both agree that you are to send me to work since the parking fees would be costly if i'm driving on my own and security issues(figured). but you have to understand that sometime things happen and my working hours are extended (for like 15-20 mins?). i'm really exhausted from work and the first thing i heard when i got into the car is accusation. i really hate that. if you're unwilling to do so then don't do it. if anything happens, the responsibility is upon me. no one else is going to take the blame. you may think that i'm a selfish teenager for saying such thing but really, i'm 19 already. i know where and when to draw my line. i know when i should rest instead of staying out.
there are a lot of things i really wanted to do. yes, i felt really tired and stupid at times for making wrong decisions but i learnt from my mistakes. i may come home feeling extremely exhausted and still have to rush for assignments but i feel content. i am happy. i work for what i wanted to earn. even if i die of fatigue i am willing to put up with it to any extend because this, is my choice. you had your time, so let me have mine.
if not now, then when?
all of the above explains why i always have such strong desire to escape, even for just a while. i know i sound slightly naive in this post but that's how i feel at this moment.
1 comment:
I've been through this as well. I I think most of us go through this stage where our parents struggle to realise we're not that same kid who once begged and stamped our feet for their attention any more. If we see things from their point of view, it isn't so unreasonable that they should want to curtail our activities/ freedom. I think sometimes it's not just about our safety, as they often like to say. I think part of them is afraid that we don't need them any more. It's hard. It's hard for them. It's hard for us, when we're 19, and it's the age to do crazy things. The age of midnight beach bbqs and loud music and sleepovers and boys/girls and raging hormones screaming at us to fuck sleep and do things.
So, good luck. I'd advice to sit down and talk this out. Make your points clear and know in your mind which areas you are willing to compromise and which you're not. Take the bull by the horns. This is cliche, but really, you will only be young once.
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